There is this one flatmate of mine who really plays on my emotions.
He makes me feel small and worthless because he has all the things that I want but can’t seem to have.
He has confidence.
He attracts attention.
He is popular.
He’s close to the third years.
He literally has everything that I desire, and it annoys me that I can’t go a day without comparing myself to him and questioning why I can’t be as good as him, or have the things he has.
What a shame that I do.
How do I correct this?
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It’s now 2:05am and I’ve just got back from a friend’s place.
This friend of mine is named Wan Han, and odds are that she’ll read this post someday. She’s studying in Lancaster University – like me! Although, she’s in a different college to the one I’m in, so its hard for us to run into one another since we’re on different ends of campus.
Being around her is like being with you, it’s natural and easy – I get to be silly and happy me!
For example, when I was with Wan Han, I was able to sing to my hearts content to songs from my childhood and oh my god, it felt amazing. I could do that with her and her flatmates because they made me feel welcomed, and I knew that I wasn’t going to be judged for the awful singing voice that I have. Whereas in the flat, I’d be terrified to sing because I know that I’d be stopped.
Admittedly, the fact that Wan Han is from home (as in Singapore home) probably explains a lot as to why I feel so at ease with her – it’s the familiarity of our Singaporean humour and our similar cultural backgrounds!
So, if there is something that I am grateful for today, it would be for the amazing Singaporeans friends that I now have in Lancaster, because they’ve helped me to see the sun when its dark by allowing me to be me!
I shall end off here,
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Source: Leaving Drama Behind
I found this photo whilst blog hopping and I thought that it was well worth the share because I could do with life without any dramas, and also because this guy’s blog is amazing – he shares about his travels around the world and I can only wish to be able to do what he is doing now at some point in my life!
Saying that I don’t want any drama in my life is the truth, but it’s also a lie because I do crave drama because it gives me an opportunity to be a part of something, even if it meant bitching about someone, so I voluntarily let myself get sucked into drama just to feel included for as long as the drama lasts.
I’m aware that admitting this reflects really badly on me, but I’m guessing that there are many others out there who feel the same way as I do about drama.
Anyway, I hope your early morning runs are going well, I went for a late night run last night and it was awful. I’m currently trying to persuade myself to go for a run again tonight but my brain seems to be leaning towards the idea of staying in and watching Running Man.
Have a lovely evening Fash!
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You must think that I’m crazy because this would be the second post in the last 24 hours, but I am feeling compelled to tell you what I’m about to say.
Rewind to yesterday’s conversation when you said that there are certain people whom you know who try their hardest to fit into the popular groups to the point where it is sad – am I one of them?
I ask this because I realised about 10 minutes ago how well I fit into that description of persons because, 10 minutes ago, I left out person A in a conversation because persons B,C and D, the people I was in conversation with, aren’t very keen on her. Also, I literally let the worst take over me when I’m with persons B,C and D because I feel that I need to step up my game (i.e. be as cool/popular as them because I don’t feel that I am) in order to maintain my friendship with them, which shouldn’t be the case.
So, all this time I’ve been taking the mick and criticising others for doing what I’ve just done (and have probably done in the past), and for why, I don’t know. I suppose I could blame it on human nature but not everyone is the same.
Oh Fash, if only I could change overnight into the saint that I wish I already was…
I shall end here.
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I’ve made the first post of this blog!
Bet you’re feeling extra proud of me at this very moment!
Remember how easy it was as children to strike conversations and to have a laugh with random people (and friends)?
Talking to you felt like that – easy. I didn’t have to pretend to be someone who I wasn’t, and I also didn’t need to be at my very best, because when I speak to you I can be whatever and whoever I am, and that would be perfectly fine with you.
If only I could get it in my head that speaking to anyone who is currently within a radius of one kilometre of me was like speaking to you, then maybe my life would be a lot easier – would it not?
I can already see you rolling your eyes at this post, but seeing as this blog was created to track my emotional progress in life, you’ll just have to stick with reading this blog because you know that you want to anyway.
Or not, but I like to believe that someone besides my mother takes an interest in my life.
I shall end here because I still have yet to finish my work for tomorrow’s seminar!
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