From my previous posts you’re now aware that I have had jealousy problems with a certain someone in my flat, for the convenience of this post and all future posts regarding him, I’ll name him ‘Ireland’, simply because he is Irish.
Ireland quite obviously has the luck of the Irish – he’s ridiculously popular and steals the limelight from me. So, my life can be quite shit with him around because I’ve got the luck of the majority i.e. I feel that I don’t get the attention that I want about 90% of the time that I’m within a 5km radius of Ireland, which is what most of us human beings feel anyway, so its perfectly normal.
So anyway, the whole reason why I’m blogging about Ireland is because my jealousy started to surface again. I had genuinely thought that my jealousy problems had gone away ever since I spoke to him about it, but it turns out that it hasn’t. These emotions surfaced when one of my third years told me that she texted Ireland to ask when he was coming back to uni because they were going to have a night out and wanted to know whether he’d join, and oh my god that stung so much because (and obviously) I had absolutely no clue that the rest of the flat were going out, no one had told me or invited me. So hearing it first hand that he had personally been invited really hurt. Never mind that, what hurt more was hearing my third year say that she missed him. I understand, I miss him too even though he makes me feel jealous and upset about my shitty life, but hearing that made me feel as though the rest of the flat wouldn’t ever miss me if I were to disappear.
Looking at what I’ve just written, it shocks and saddens me to say that I don’t just think these thoughts, but that I believe it, and to believe that I’m not loved or wanted by my peers – albeit normal – is a stupid and awful thing to feel.
So I can only hope that these feelings sought themselves out because I don’t want to live my life believing that I suck and have no friends, because that’s just silly when I obviously have friends i.e. you, because if I didn’t then I wouldn’t have started this blog – it’s entitled ‘Dear Fash’ for a reason!
So don’t feel alone in this struggle of wanting to feel wanted! It’s normal, even I feel it, it just takes time to grow out of it, I’m hoping!
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