So here we are at the end of day 3 of the job – although in reality it’s only been two hours of working in the past three days.
Day two was alright, thankfully, I didn’t have to suffer the incessant negativities of my mind as to whether or not I’d fit in with the rest of the staff since I spent most of the day with just two people – so that was nice.
Come day three (today), the morning was quiet but that didn’t last very long seeing that I met this incredibly lovely gal who radiated joy and happiness with every breath she took. So the morning quickly livened up and I had a wonderful time chatting with her. Also, I was scheduled to do a campus tour with the students that had arrived from China, so that was lovely too seeing that they were so lovely to chat to! Dinner time was a little bit miserable since most students have now arrived because we had to queue in a massive line to wait to be served our dinner and the wait did not sit well with a hungry me at all. A hangry me aside, dinner was nice – I kept quiet throughout (typical me) since I had nothing to say/contribute into the conversation.
The whirlwind of the day came after dinner when we went to another flat to sort out some posters for an event tomorrow evening. As per, I really wanted to be able to join in the conversation and for people to see me as the fun and cool chic, but not being able to be seen as that really sucked, and quite immediately I was drawn back into the mindset that no one liked me and that I suck. Trying to pull myself out of that mindset was hard – I had to keep reminding myself that it was okay not to fit in; that there were many other groups around; and that I’m a great human being even though I can’t see it. But even those reminders weren’t enough to extinguish the fire of negativities I had.
Sigh pie, I do wonder why God decided to give me the short-straw of an excessive thinking mind and social ineptness.
Other than that, I look forward to posting more about my journey of the next three weeks!
Hope you’re well.
your fave asian