An honest post

Dear Fash,

Firstly, some disclaimers:
1. This is a super honest post about how I’ve been feeling for a while, so I apologise for anything explicit or unexpected from me;

2. You might have to do some research into ‘Weightlifting Fairy Kim Bok Joo’ in order to get the reference about Kim Bok Joo’s boyfriend.

Otherwise, enjoy my honest post about what I’m thinking of now, and possibly also my potential embarrassment to come as a consequence of this post.

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T-minus 24 days until October and I have fuck-all of a clue as to what is to come next for me, and it scares me every day.

Let me clarify, I have a plan on how I am going to live out the next month of my summer holidays, however I do not have a plan on how I’m going to tackle third year or how I’m going to approach the new era of post-graduation.

Fuck.

I’m overacting, yes I most certainly am. However, this is a justified overreaction. Most of us with only a year left at university are probably and most certainly worried about their future – with the exception of those lucky little shits that have already secured a postgraduate job.

A lot of people say to take things as they come, and it will serve me well to do so seeing as I have a year – a full 365 days – to sort my postgraduate life out. Yet, it doesn’t seem like enough time at all seeing as I have other thoughts in mind besides my future employer.

As it stands now, these are the persisting issues that are running wild in my mind:

1.     Post-grad life.

2.     How to increase my grades from a shitty 2:2 to a 2:1.

3.     When will the tear between my vagina and anus will heal because it’s really irritating me.

4.     Whether I will find a boyfriend that will be like Kim Bok Joo’s boyfriend – because he is the dream (so much to the point that I forget his name).

5.     Sex – yes, I do very much think of it a lot. I am after all a virgin 20-year-old in a sea of non-virgins that constantly rave about how fun sex is.

This is starting to sound like a 15-year-old school girl’s prospective ‘final year at university bucket list’: 1. To graduate with an upper second; 2. To find a boyfriend that loves me so very much and; 3. To lose my virginity.

Oh God, I’m a sex-deprived and unambitious 15-year-old girl stuck in a 20-year-old body. That does not bode well for adulthood does it?

Back to the main point of my frustrations – how do I take all of these worries and overcome them?

It’s quite simple (it isn’t, I’m just simplifying issues because it’s for the best) for points 3 onwards: 1. Stop shaving your pubic hair, that way you avoid cuts; 2. Just avoid boys and sex altogether, the more you want it, the more likely you are to do something stupid with an undeserving guy.

But, points 1 and 2, not quite as easy as most people would think it to be. If you’re going to suggest studying hard – I did that exact thing for first and second year, yet I’m on a 2:2. I’m probably just not clever enough surely. Also, if you’re going to suggest applying to loads of graduate schemes/random small firms, I am looking at it. However, for the former, the minimum requirements all tend to require a 2:1; and for the latter, I’ve had work experience in small firms (or SMEs as you would have them), but I tended not to like it. There isn’t the buzz and hustle and bustle that I so very much love.

God, this is not working out for me is it?

I’m clearly too picky – I’m what they call the youth of today (or so I think I am): fussy yet lacking anything special that warrants my pickiness (I’ve just made this up, but it does ring a bell to the ‘ambitious yet lazy Gen Y’ terminology that has been reigned as my generation’s standout feature.

Hopefully the next post will be more enlightening on my future. Perhaps, I might have found something to spend my time on for my postgrad life that I’ll be excited for?

Who knows?

Much love,

Your fave asian.

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