Life’s Learning Lessons

Hi Fash,

I’m back with more stories to tell, both good and bad.

The good is that my contract has been extended, so I’ll be staying on the employment train for a bit longer! Hip hip hooray!

Another good news is that I’ve gone back to church. This isn’t the most riveting headline, but I do think that its worth announcing even though I don’t know why. I suppose I’m glad that I am trying to reignite my relationship with the church and God.

Now for the bad news, which coincidentally, are my life’s learning lessons of the week.

I’ve had two interviews the week just gone. I was eliminated mid-way through the interview process for the first interview, and I’m waiting to hear back on the second. But here’s the thing about the second interview…

I had come out of the interview confident that I’d get the job having thought that I’d done a superb job at the interview. But, with every passing day that I don’t hear back from the company, I get more and more convinced that I didn’t do as well as I think I did and therefore won’t get offered the job.

On hindsight, the amount of stupid responses I gave to my interviewer is shocking.

Interviewer: You seem like a structured person, give me an example of a time where you were flexible.

Me: Well, my life is flexible.

What. The. Fuck. Is. Wrong. With. Me.

What I really should have said was “I work flexibly everyday in order to prioritise meeting deadlines at work.” You know, the standard and ‘correct‘ answer to give in an interview. However, in the moment I gave that answer.

Emoji girl facepalm - Sticker by juliadek.jdk

Ugh *inserts face-palm emoji girl*. Let this be a lesson learnt to everyone to prepare for all question types in an interview, please.

Second bad news/life lesson: I had a sudden realisation today that the saying ‘people only gossip because they don’t have confidence in themselves’, is true.

I used to think I gossiped because the world and people were shit and deserved to be bad-mouthed. But, it actually struck me today that the reason why I gossip is because I’m not confident in what I can contribute to the world, and to compensate for that, I talk about other people.

Let me contextualise.

So for me, I have always been insecure of my humour and/or my ability to contribute to conversations. I think I’ve written about this before, where I’ve explained that I never feel like I can say anything without being judged or without being understood. I always felt like I could never fit in with what people were talking about, and I hated not being able to join in the conversation and hated even more being excluded from conversation.

Consequently, I’ve adapted myself to join in conversations. By adapting, I mean I make conversations about people – talking about people is a common ground. Hence, the downward spiral of gossiping.

I’m not saying I gossip all the time, because there are days where I am genuinely frustrated about things/people and need to get it off my chest. But admittedly, I do gossip about 80% of the time. If not more.

So, learning lesson to myself and everyone number 2, love yourself so that you don’t have to bring others down.

This is all the thinking and writing I can be bothered for today, but I hope it’s given you some food for thought. My day has been filled with these two thoughts, but you know, I never ever really stop thinking about things anyway.

Speak soon Fash.

Much Love,

Your fave asian.

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